I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
