I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
