i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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