Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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