i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize