I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
