Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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