my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
