I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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