If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
