The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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