Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
