I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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