she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
