i think i have two assholes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a beard to bite.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize