Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize