Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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