There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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