if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
