I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
