wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The air taste purple.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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