I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
