i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Houston, we have a squirter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
