I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
