Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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