It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
