She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
