You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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