Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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