this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
