Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
