I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
