Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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