I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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