dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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