I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
