Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize