I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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