Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
