Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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