i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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