My ATM looks so different sober.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
