bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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