No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
