So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
