I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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