...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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