maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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