he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
