Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
