she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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