I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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