I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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