your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Boobs speak an international language.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
