Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize