my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Operation Purity has been aborted
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Found the puke drawer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
