I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
