Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
