I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
