Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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