I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
