so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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