the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
