I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
