His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
