i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sex in a hospital.. check
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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