Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
