So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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