Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
not ubering you a puppy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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