you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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