in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
