My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
