Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
