it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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