not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize