Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
