Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
