I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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