If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
