yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
