Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
