my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
