Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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