new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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