I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
pray to the hookup gods
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
