His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
