So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize