i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
