i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
