he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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