I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
