so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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