You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
