Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
