Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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