Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
