paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize