Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
