Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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